Have you ever loved someone who did something stupid? How about something criminal? Oh, and was this person related to you?

If so, did you find it difficult to continue to love that person when your respect for him/her diminished?

I can certainly answer in the affirmative to all of the above. And I can tell you this – the array of emotions around it is complicated and even kind of torturous.

This is where my mind goes repeatedly when I see Congressman Rob Menendez. The reason he, an incumbent, is being challenged in the New Jersey primary is because his father, Sen. Bob Menendez, is currently embroiled in a brutal bribery scandal. Hoboken mayor Ravi Bhalla saw a chance to create a wedge and insert himself into the race.

So here we are, counting down to the June 4 primary.

The discussions around this election, online and those I’ve had in person, are largely reductive. Lumping Rob in with his alleged criminal father or not. Writing him off as part of a larger corrupt entity, like it’s a given. This is our politics now. Black-and-white and knee-jerk.

That’s not me, though. Instead, I am imagining nuanced scenarios in the Menendez family. What must it be like to have a father embroiled in such a sleazy case? Embarrassing. Infuriating. I can’t imagine the inner conflict.

I have a bunch of relatives whose MAGA politics I find abhorrent. I love many of them deeply. There are beloved memories with them and even heartfelt interactions to this day, but I wouldn’t vote for any of them for dog catcher. The point is, I’m grateful that if I’m applying for a job, I’m not being asked to account for their actions or beliefs (nor they mine).

Rob Menendez is in an impossible position. While some voters are deciding whether to attach a father’s sins to a son, I’m trying to picture their last Thanksgiving. A vicious fight? A looming “why?” over the turkey? Something like, “How could you screw up this badly, Dad?” Or a holiday of awkward silences? I’m trying to envision how one squares their kids’ Grandpa with the gold bars version of the guy. Put that anger and love into a blender and watch it violently whir around. Then hit the campaign trail and repeatedly and calmly answer questions about a person who brought you into the world.

These are humans in relationship. It has become too easy to gloss over the humanity in politics. I have in fact been guilty of that on occasion. This one is hitting me differently. NJ-08 voters are in a unique voting position, one that requires thoughtfulness beyond the issues because, honestly, there is very little contrast between how Menendez and Bhalla will vote in Congress.

For me this boils down to whether I want to punish my existing Congressman – whose voting record I like — for being related to his father. A lot of people are still smarting because he got elected in the first place due to his name and his father’s influence. OK, that’s one way to look at it. But now we see the downside to that, the nepo having to suck it up and stand tall in the face of family adversity.

Perhaps if he was running against a squeaky-clean opponent, it would be an easy way to oust Menendez and be done with the family. But he’s not.

So I’m back to how complicated family is and how it apparently triggers me, particularly since the emergence of Trump. We’ve already seen most of the Kennedy clan come out strongly against one of their own in the presidential race. The Bidens continue to deal with the fallout of Hunter’s bad decisions. The Trumps are unified, it seems, in their blatant attempt to kick democracy to the curb.

We’re in prickly territory. The trials continue. Let the votes fall where they may.

[Editorial Note: This is my fifth installment in a series I began in order to give my writing some flow after being in a healing phase from knee surgeries for a year (2023-24).]

[This post was originally published on Facebook on May 28, 2024.]